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Orangetheory Fitness Wants to Shame Your Half-Assed Workouts Out of Existence – GQ Magazine
The interval training studio calls out loafers by quantifying everyones performancein real time. Are you ready for it?
If you have passed by an Orangetheory Fitness studio lately, you probably saw a phalanx of incredibly fit people, some of them shirtless and all of them with heart monitors strapped menacingly across their chests, sprinting shoulder-to-shoulder on a row of treadmills. They steal occasional glances at an intimidating-looking leaderboard overhead, and after the workout ends, stare intently in silence at their smartphones before trading high-fives over accumulated Splat Points." If you took a look at this book's cover and decided that you wanted no part of what's inside, it's kind of hard to blame you for reaching that conclusion.
Unfortunately for, well, everyone, Orangetheory is not an mid-2000s Nickelodeon reboot brought to life in a fitness studio. It's a fitness class that aims to be for interval training what Soul Cycle is for spin classesa tried-and-true fitness regimen updated with earsplitting music, wildly enthusiastic instructors, and air conditioning that could extend the shelf life of any produce inadvertently left in a locker overnight. Each Orangetheory session has its participants alternate between some combination of lifting weights, running on treadmills, and/or pulling at rowing machines, with the length of each interval varying by class. What sets it apart from your average studio class, though, is the heart rate monitor, which tracks your performance in real time on a set of scoreboard-style screens posted on the wall for everyone can see. If you're loafing, in other words, the people next to you are going to be able to judge the hell out of you.
The "theory" in the name refers to excess post-exercise oxygen consumption (EPOC), the very science-y moniker for the "afterburn" phenomenon by which the body increases its oxygen consumption (and the number of calories burned) after an intense workout. Orangetheory's classes are supposed to help you maximize the time you spend in that afterburn period, as measured by "Splat Points," a very un-science-y term for the number of minutes that you, the efficiency-minded exerciser, stay within the magical EPOC-maximizing zone. The heart rate monitor and the vaguely Big Brother-esque scoreboard aren't just tools to intimidate the weak or incite the hypercompetitivealthough they do do that, too. Their purpose is to help both participants and instructors adjust the workout's intensity accordingly.
The extremely on-brand orange lighting and orange accents makes the studio feel like cross between a traffic cone factory and giant tanning bed. As you might expect, the instructors are an impossibly upbeat bunch, calling out directions over a wireless hands-free mic and bounding around the room like diligent antelopes who are for some reason very intent on providing guidance regarding your posture on the rowing machine. They also transparently flatter first-timers, probably in an effort to make them feel welcome and also to bring 'em back for more. Jay, that's perfect, a voice booms over the loudspeaker as I completed my last set of lunges while Sia launched into the hook to "Titanium." It...totally worked. A verbal gold star bestowed in front of the whole class? I was super fired upeven more so than I am when I usually hear "Titanium." I'm such a mark.
It's strangely hypnotic and kind of uncomfortable to see the the efforts of total strangers quantified in such stark terms. But as the session wore on and my glances at the screen grew more frequent, it was hard not to buy in to the competition aspect a little, picking out some unsuspecting loser and vowing to absolutely bury them on the next sprint. I ended with 18 Splat Points (high five, brah!), nearly 800 calories burned, and a very handy (and colorful) summary in my email inbox by the time I walked out the door.
The basic elements of Orangetheory are easily replicable, so if you're uninterested in paying their no-joke ratesthe drop-in fee here in Seattle runs $28, and the monthly membership runs north of $150it's not tough to find a good high-intensity interval training regimen online. ("Titanium" is also available for listening and/or download on Apple Music and Spotify, so that's covered, too.) But these workout plans are a little more complicated than things like "go for a run" or "do some deadlifts," so if you have a little cash to spare and/or a maniacally competitive itch that requires the occasional scratch, Orangetheory just might be worth a shot.
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Orangetheory Fitness Wants to Shame Your Half-Assed Workouts Out of Existence - GQ Magazine
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