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Home » How to lose weight quickly » I Refuse to Let My Wedding Be a Weight-Loss Goal – Glamour

One of the only encouraging parts of postponing my May 2020 wedding due to the coronavirus outbreak has been one simple realization: Im not alone. Thanks to the internet, Ive managed to find scores of other couples who are postponing their big day because of COVID-19 too. Together weve commiserated, compared backup plans, and tried to find the silver lining over direct messages or Instagram comments. Its been something thats brought me a great deal of comfort in a time that has been filled with sadness, chaos, and disappointment. But its also brought me various versions of one recurring idea: At least theres more time to reach my goal weight.

Ironically, I spent our one-and-a-half-year-long engagement in an active, daily battle to not diet for our wedding. After a decade of yo-yo dieting and obsessive exercise habits, I was ready for a lifestyle that was healthy and, for once, actually sustainable. This meant no more crash diets, no more starving myself, no more apps that told me how I should feel about myself based on the numerical amount of calories or carbs I had consumed in a single day. I was exhausted by all of it, and I knew that if I could stay balanced and confident through the wedding-planning process without telling myself daily that I had to be smaller, then it would be a victory. I told myself that it would set the tone for the rest of my life. If I could ignore the targeted ads for sweating for the wedding programs and detox shakes and bridal bootcamps and achieving the right body for my dream dress, then I could probably ignore that stuff forever. I knew Id be happier and healthier for it.

This is all way easier said than done.

As our wedding date got closer, the weight-loss-obsessed parts of my brain started to become harder to ignore. When I tried my dress on six months before the wedding and it was too tight, I quickly spiraled to the same dark places I had been so many times before. These were the places that told me that skipping meals was okay. That going to bed just feeling just a little hungry was success. That maybe it would be just fine if I made myself throw up a time or two. I found myself visiting Reddit pages where people would write about how their latest fast was going, devouring comments about how many hours, days, weeks, it had been since people had eaten solid food.

My body was a before, but wedding dresses were only for afters.

Id lie in bed at night long after my fianc had fallen asleep and scroll through before-and-after weight-loss photos, searching for bodies with similar proportions to mine. I would note the amount of time it took them to become smaller, gauging it against how much time I had until the wedding. At the time it felt like I was looking for inspiration, but looking back I think I just wanted to confirm what all those targeted ads had already told me: My body was a before, but wedding dresses were only for afters.

Part of me was angry that I had let so much time pass without trying to lose weight, and part of me was angry that I cared at all. I had spent a year successfully pushing away all these thoughts, yet here I was againwith the same thoughts of self-hatred and shame that had existed in my brain in high school and college. The same ugly thoughts that Id had when I was a size 10 and a size 14: If I was smaller, this would be better. I had been 50 pounds lighter and telling myself the same thingthat a big family vacation would be more special if I were thinner. That my first day of college would be more thrilling if I had done more sit-ups. That a first date would go better if I had stuck with a diet. My actual, physical size had never really altered that specific thought at all.

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I Refuse to Let My Wedding Be a Weight-Loss Goal - Glamour

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Home » How to lose weight quickly » I Refuse to Let My Wedding Be a Weight-Loss Goal – Glamour