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May 9

Drew Magary: I’m on a pancake-only breakfast diet and I wish I started this sooner – SF Gate

Diet Comments Off on Drew Magary: I’m on a pancake-only breakfast diet and I wish I started this sooner – SF Gate

I eat pancakes for breakfast every morning now. This is not because of quarantine (I started doing it well before the pandemic hit). This is not because I suffer from crippling depression and have given up on life. This is not because I am some elderly man whose eating habits never evolved past 1940. I am a healthy, vital and happy man who made the conscious decision to eat a stack of flapjacks at o'dark thirty every morning as part of a healthy, vital and happy routine. Pancakes complete me.

This might strike you as counterintuitive. After all, I'm 43 years old and I've already gone through the nutritional cycle of eating like a teen (garbage), eating like a twentysomething (takeout), eating like a thirtysomething (slightly more expensive takeout), and then finally coming to a rest in the California Zone, where I eat avocado toast without irony, dabble in the occasional farro salad, and even look FORWARD to having certain vegetables with dinner.Pancakes have no place in the California Zone. When I was 25, they were the perfect s---faced-at-a-diner-at-3 a.m. food. Two decades later, I feared them as if they were a tangible and very fluffy COVID-19 spore. Ask any licensed dietician what NOT to eat every day and they will show you a mugshot of an IHOP short stack. Pancakes consist of multiple layers of starch, all fried in fat, and then topped with a generous layer of pure maple sugar and a f---ing ice cream scoop of whipped butter. It's a ticking carb bomb. If you offer Jessica Alba pancakes for breakfast, she files a lawsuit.

So I feared pancakes. In 1996, I tipped the scales at a forbidding 280 lbs. I lost 80 of those pounds, but then slowly ascended back up to 260 lbs. by the time 2010 had rolled around. Again I dropped back down to 200 lbs. and have remained just a touch north of that ever since. To keep that weight off for good, I made a pact with myself to practice the dreaded PORTION CONTROL. No overloaded plates, no seconds, etc. Hence, every morning I used to eat breakfast like a coward. I would have a small bowl of cereal with an even smaller spoon. Or I would eat eggs. On their own. No toast. Or I would eat a small bowl of almond butter with honey and sea salt mixed in. That was a treat to me. Pathetic.

I have three kids, and all of them possess superhuman child metabolism. They can eat what they want, and eat any amount of it. They don't give a crap. I used to make them pancakes for breakfast every weekend, because that's a strong mob boss move. And every once in a while, I would treat myself to a single pancake, without any syrup on it. Afterward, I would experience the kind of food guilt that designated weight strugglers know with a terrifying intimacy. Can't believe I ate a whole pancake. Boy, the scale's not gonna be happy with me about this, buddyboy! I was firmly convinced the old adage of eating like a king for breakfast, like a prince for lunch, and like a pauper for dinner was a load of s---.

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Drew Magary: I'm on a pancake-only breakfast diet and I wish I started this sooner - SF Gate

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