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May 6

On the Society diet, you live on hors d’oeurves – USA TODAY

Diet Comments Off on On the Society diet, you live on hors d’oeurves – USA TODAY

Kris Wartelle Society & Causes Reporter(Photo: The Advertiser)

I started wondering about diets lately.

By wondering, I mean, wondering why everyone else is on one and Im not. I probably should be. Most everyone I know is on one of the following: The Caveman diet (they call it Paleo but I call it caveman). They can only eat meat and lettuce. I tried this once. I think I lasted a full day but I really dont remember. It could have been just half of that. There's the Green-only cleansing diet. I have several friends doing this. I have no idea what that entails, but I assume it is the same diet as above only without the animals(or meat). Anything green is cool.

Im good with that for the most part. Once, I ate only orange stuff all day. Not on purpose, it just turned out that carrots, oranges and Diet Sunkist were the only things I had handy. Dont ask me why thats not a real diet. If there is a green-only regimen, why cant there be an orange one? My guess is because people would figure out that Cheetos and cheese crackers are also orange and that would wreck everything. Who knows?

Daughter No. 1is always saying she cant eat anything white. Bread, rice, pasta, all that is a no. Id have to rule that one out because Im sure white chocolate would not be allowed, andthe minute you tell me I cant have it, all Id want is that.

Daughter No. 2became a vegetarian, but that was after she became a vegan. She went through that one in high school and it nearly killed me. There are only so many frozen, black bean veggie burgers with no animal broth added that one can consume. Andshe considered kale a necessity. Kale that we bought, but never figured out how to make properly. So, then it became brown kale. Brown stuff was not allowed on someones diet, but I cant remember which one.

I probably could start my own diet plan. Wed call it the Society diet. You know, it would sort of remind you of the Hollywood diet. If you follow the Society diet, you basically survive on hors doeurves and wine or whatever cocktail you like when you go out.

This diet also reminds me of the movie "Mermaids" with Cher and Winona Ryder.Remember that scene where she cant make any real food at home because she only knows how to make hors doeuvers? She even has to cut her kids sandwiches into little stars. I totally get that now.

Sugar is allowed on the Society diet because, well, it is in almost everything and it is impolite to turn it down in some circles.

Then,during Lent and the months of June and July, you dont go out at all and youlive on salad and vitamin water. That pretty much makes up for the rest of the year.

Im kidding, of course. Please dont try this at home unless you are a highly trained professional.

I think I prefer Ms. Ella Meaux's diet. She retired from Borden's after 56 years, at the age of 86. She said sheate ice cream every day. All I cansay is,Ms. Ella,whatever you did, it worked, so carry on!

Read or Share this story: http://www.theadvertiser.com/story/life/luxury-living/2017/05/05/society-diet-you-live-hors-doeurves/101295590/

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On the Society diet, you live on hors d'oeurves - USA TODAY

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