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Home » Diets that Work » I Just Had My Second Baby, and This Time I’m Over Post-Baby Diets – SELF

Have you ever dipped a Chips Ahoy cookie into a family-size jar of crunchy peanut butter? If not, I highly recommend it.

I discovered the wonder of this very refined culinary pairing recently while approximately 10 months pregnantyou know, the stage at which you havent seen your own bikini line in ages. After a healthy second pregnancy in which Id SoulCycled and strength-trained throughout, even doing pull-ups into my third trimester, in those final weeks I was uncomfortable, cranky, and forgoing my go-to Sweetgreen salads for a diet that could best be described as laissez faire .

Lets just say should we get dessert? had become a rhetorical question. But even though I gave birth to my son, a sweet, simple little man with a striking resemblance to Wallace Shawn, five weeks ago, the truth is Im still treating my three-year-old daughters Chips Ahoy like Dunkaroos for our collective family peanut butter (Note to them: Sorry, guys.) and regularly dining on gnocchi, tortellini, and goat cheese ravioli.

And Im not beating myself up or making any apologies for any of it. This time aroundafter my second and what I now believe will be my lastpregnancy, I am instituting a hard-line personal policy of NOPE to the psychotic post-baby body industrial complex . Or, to put it simply, Im not killing myself to "lose the baby weight" at the pace of a pre-fashion show Victorias Secret Angel.

In part, its my Hillary Clinton showing up at her first big post-election speech with no makeup because eff the patriarchy moment. As a card-carrying nasty woman, Im tired of holding myself to wild beauty and body standards. We might be inundated with celebs on the cover of Us Weekly boasting of their perfect bikini bodies, like, five minutes after baby and Instagram fitspo queens in-the-mirror selfies of their eight-packs one week post-birth. But as a normal civilian woman, and a full-time working mother of now two, I have bigger things to worry aboutlike, when will I sleep again, and President Trump convening a board room of 30 men to ruminate on maternity leave . I literally dont have the time or brain space to obsess over losing the 30 or so pounds Ive gained in a hurry, especially not because thats just what Im supposed to do to make myself more palatable and presentable.

Lucky for me, my livelihood does not depend on having buns of steel. But the truth is that not even Chrissy Teigen or Alessandra Ambrosio should feel bullied to get their flat abs back on somebody elses timetable; no mom should have to feel bad about, um, actually eating after 40 weeks of pregnancy and the feat of giving birth. Thats just cruel and unusual punishment. When youre at the beck and call of a squealing newborn and, if youre breastfeeding, can barely drink without pumping and dumping, the least you should be able to do for yourself is eat a little gnocchi.

Its occurred to me lately that theres a certain irony to the pressure put on postpartum moms: Eating well and often, and gaining weight, is the goal for my son. Double chins and fat rolls are cause for celebration in babiestheyre a sign hes a healthy growing (mini) human. But, for me as his mother, the premium is on shedding weight, returning to my smaller selfand, oh yeah, and make it snappy. Where is my grace period, in which, like my baby, being well-fed (and, okay, a little squishy) is a sign of my wellbeing?

It helps, of course, that this isnt my first rodeo. During my first pregnancy three years ago, I was laser-focused on getting back to my pre-baby weight. I had an exciting and pretty fabulous job as a magazine editor to return to; my standard-issue leather leggings awaited. I wanted to show up on my first day back, after three months maternity leave, looking as svelte as my old self. I wanted to prove to myself, and to others, that I could be one of the good, Kate-Middleton-kind-of-people who can achieve this big, overhyped goal of losing the baby weight super quickly. The clock was ticking.

And so, in the weeks after having my daughter, I became a walking Cathy comic, trying on my old skinny jeans at intervals, lamenting when they wouldnt button, or even zipper. I hated hated that handful of flesh hanging out around my belly button. I hated pumping breast milk, too (the only way I could make breastfeeding work due to latching issues with my daughter) but at least part of the reason I kept it up for three months was that I knew it was a great calorie-burner. I even tried out one of those alleged waist-shrinking corsets Jessica Alba has said she used to get her abs back after having kids. (PSA: Don't do this; it didn't even fasten. Also, they don't work .) As soon as my doctor signed off, at exactly six weeks after giving birth, I dedicated myself to Tracy Andersons post-baby workout DVD (I think giving birth was less painful), clipped back in at SoulCycle, and started to forego the delicious lasagna and pie friends had generously brought over so I wouldnt have to cook. It worked: I actually wore a shiny new pair of leather leggings on my first day back at work.

Looking back, Im not sorry I lost the weight, but I am sorry I gave myself a pressing deadline by which to do it, and put so much pressure on myself to meet it. As my awesome labor and delivery nurse very kindly reminded me during my recent hospital discharge debrief, it takes time to put baby weight on and it takes time to take it off. I know now that added anxiety and stress in the weeks after having a baby is the last thing I, or any woman needs. Sue me, Im a survivalist.

This time, Im not rushing my post-baby fitness regimen, nor am I holding myself to the standard of fitting back into the very same articles of clothing as before, and stat. Having lost the baby weight once, Im confident I can and will do it again, as hard as it may be with two kids in the mix. (Mercifully, the baby and everything else that comes out with it, plus breastfeeding, have already taken care of a good 15 or 20 pounds of it.) I intend to get back to pull-ups, and my favorite hyper-political SoulCycle class, as soon as I am cleared to exercise (in part to escape my family, but thats another storystay tuned). But when I do, I may or may not return to my exact pre-baby weight and size. Maybe its my bigger boobs and more voluptuous self talking, but when I look at some of my old Instagrams (as one does), I think I looked a little scrawny back then... like I could have used a few Chips Ahoy.

Michelle Ruiz is a freelance writer and contributing editor at Vogue.com whose work has appeared in The Wall Street Journal, Cosmopolitan and Time.com . She's a big fan of gnocchi. Twitter: @michelleruiz

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I Just Had My Second Baby, and This Time I'm Over Post-Baby Diets - SELF

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Home » Diets that Work » I Just Had My Second Baby, and This Time I’m Over Post-Baby Diets – SELF