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Jenni Murray: weight of her mind – Big Issue North
Dame Jenni Murray turned 70 in May and the broadcaster, who recently announced she was stepping down from Radio 4s Womans Hour after 33 years, planned to celebrate her landmark birthday with a trip to Paris. Her intention was to finally reach the top of the Eiffel Tower, something shes wanted to do since she was a tour guide in the city in her early twenties. But then Covid-19 happened and instead the occasion was marked with a surprise Zoom party organised by her husband, David, and grown-up sons Ed and Charlie, who I call my little one,even though hes over 6ft.
I have forgiven her for some of the pain she caused, and all the stupid things she said to me.
My little one bought me a bottle of champagne and bits of food and said were going to have a Zoom call with the family, and when I Zoomed in, I was completely gobsmacked to find about 40 people from as far back as school. Theyd put together videos and photos, and all my favourite songs. It was just so special, incredible, says Murray, whose career encompassed regional television, Newsnight and the Today programme before she took over Womans Hour in 1987, and in 2011, she was made a dame.
She has no issue with ageing (Its inevitable), but was concerned about the impact it would have on her ability to record her radio show if she was suddenly regarded at greater risk of Covid-19 and told to self-isolate.
I tried to broadcast from home once but it was so difficult, so I argued my case and signed to say it was my choice to go in and I carried on, although going into Broadcasting House is a bit like going into the Mary Celeste because there are hardly any people around.
With her family scattered around the country David on the south coast, Ed in the New Forest and Charlie not too far from her in London where she stays for work she admits the first three months of lockdown were quite difficult.
But I have, to some degree, the benefit of being an only child in that Ive always known how to entertain myself and I do a lot of reading, and Ive got my little dogs with me, remarks Murray, who grew up on a council estate in Barnsley.
She describes her upbringing in vivid detail in her laudably frank new memoir Fat Cow, Fat Chance: The Science and Psychology of Size, about a lifelong struggle with her weight.
In the book Murray details the complex relationship she had with her mother, Win, a woman who was incredibly proud of her daughters achievements but who could also be cruel where her appearance was concerned.
In one chapter, the broadcaster recalls seeing her parents for the first time in months during her first year at Hull University where she was studying French and drama. Like so many students, shed enjoyed the freedom and excess of freshers year and her weight had crept up by two stone.
I didnt really notice thats the extraordinary thing, says Murray.But her mother did when she went to meet her parents at the ferry terminal after their drive from Turkey where her father, Alvin, had been working.
They drove straight past me. I was shouting Dad and they eventually stopped. Dad jumped out and gave me a big hug. My mum didnt say a word. I got in the car and she went: God, youre like a baby elephant, youre so fat. She was really horrible.
Far from receiving an apology, her mother later called to blame her for a minor accident theyd subsequently had because Dad was so upset about you and the state youre in, before promptly hanging up.
You know, I never walked into my mothers house without her saying Oh my god, youve got a bit too thin, or Oh my god, youve put on so much weight. She was completely obsessed by it. Ive tried to explain it to myself in that she wanted me to look the best I possibly could, explains Murray, whose mother died at the end of 2006, the same day she was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was the worst day of my life, she writes in the book.
I have in the end, I think, forgiven her for some of the pain she caused, and all the stupid things she said to me, but I know Im not alone. Its why I think its really important to be open about it.
The incident at the ferry terminal resulted in her first crazy diet when Murray, determined to lose weight, visited the doctor at the university hospital and was sent off with a packet of pills. Her drastic weight loss prompted concern from her tutor who asked what drugs she was taking. I was so offended. I dont take drugs, never even smoked a joint, I told him, but I showed him the pills I was taking, and he said: Good god, theyre Black Bombers. I didnt know they were very powerful amphetamines. No wonder I had been a little bit crazy.
Weighing just under seven stone, she was taken into the universitys health centre and eased back into a healthy eating pattern, but she admits that over the years shes tried all sorts of diets.
You get seduced by these snake oil salesmen who say: I have the way to make you thin, she notes, although her weight didnt become a cause for concern until her forties and fifties.
She was living in a flat in London she nicknamed Wuthering Depths while David and her then teenage sons stayed in the Peak District.
I found it really tough to be away from kids who really need you for a long period of time, and my elderly parents werent well. When youre miserable and depressed and worried about your parents and teenage kids, and your husband having to manage so much at home because youre the breadwinner, what do you do? You sit down and comfort eat, and I got fatter and fatter, and dieted and got fatter, and dieted and got fatter.
Shed pretend to the world that she was fat and happy but has since described this an Oscar-winning performance put on in public.
She recalls the two things that shocked me into taking myself in hand. The first was a new GP who pulled no punches and asked her to step on the scales at their first meeting. The scales read 24 stone.
The second was walking her dogs with Charlie. I was lumbering along and sitting on every bench we came across when a woman drove past on one of those mobility scooters with her two little dogs leads attached to the handle bars and she was even more obese than I was. Charlie, being a genuinely frightened and concerned young man, said: Mum, if you dont do something about your weight, that will be you before very long.
It was the prompt she needed to take action. Not long after she met Professor Francesco Rubino, an expert in metabolic surgery to whom she dedicates the book. He carried out her sleeve gastrectomy surgery, where a large part of the stomach is removed, and Murray credits him with changing her life.
It was going to cost me 11,000 but Id inherited a bit of money from my parents, and I thought, well, if my mother knew Id spent some of the money she left me on losing weight, then shed be thrilled to bits.
She lost eight stone in less than a year, and five years on is comfortable with her weight.
I couldve lost more, but I thought at my age, you dont want to sacrifice your face and Im quite happy just under 14 stone. Ive retained a little of what I call plumptitude. I love food and it shouldnt be a guilty pleasure, but now I eat delicious food in small quantities.
The science is really complicated, as are our bodies. Its not as simple as eat less, move more. Lots of people struggle. Thats the reason I finally got round to being frank about what happened to me and how long it took to understand it.
Its why Jenni chose an unflinching title for the book. Fat cow is something I know hundreds of other women will have faced as theyre walking down the street, or sitting in their car and some bloke, and it is always a bloke, will shout fat cow at you. Thats happened to me so many times and I never want to hear those words again, ever, anywhere.
Over the years, shes written books including A History of the World in 21 Women and Is It Me, Or Is It Hot In Here? and is thankful to have had a career in print and on radio thats fulfilled her.
What other job would you get to read all the books you want to read, see all the plays you want to see, all the films you want to see and talk to some of the women youve most admired throughout your life? Its been great. I never had a masterplan, but I always enjoyed performing and Im very nosy and curious, which is whats required for good journalists, says Murray of a career thats included interviews with Margaret Thatcher, Hillary Clinton and Margaret Atwood over three decades.
She also found herself at the centre of controversy when in 2018 she pulled out of a talk at Oxford University over comments made the previous year in an article for The Sunday Times titled Be trans, be proud but dont call yourself a real woman, although she had said she is not transphobic or anti-trans.
The shock announcement on 24 July that she was leaving Womans Hour has also prompted headlines, with many seeing it as another sign that the BBCs too willing to lose veterans in favour of a young and cool agenda.
In a statement, Murray said: Saying goodbye will be very hard to do, but its time to move on.
Her final Womans Hour episode is due to be aired on 1 October, but as she enters her eighth decade, Murray has no intention of entirely withdrawing from the airwaves.
Retirement is not on my agenda. All the people I know in their eighties are people who work, they write, they broadcast, they get out and see people and theyre the ones who have, still, the sharpest minds, so thats my plan.
Fat Cow, Fat Chance: The Science and Psychology of Size by Jenni Murray, is out now (Doubleday). Murray is In Conversation at Yorkshire Festival of Story, a Crowdcast event, on 29 Aug. Register at yorkshirefestivalofstory.com
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Jenni Murray: weight of her mind - Big Issue North
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