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Q: When I got married, I was a slim 62, but Ive gained a lot of weight. My wife gained about 20 pounds but recently lost that and more. Ive been as high as 265, but Im now at 238 and losing about a pound a week, which isnt fast enough for my wife. When I contemplate going on a stricter diet, what comes to mind is feeling angry, tired, and hungry at my high-stress job. My wife said that I obviously love food more than her, and that if I wont lose weight for her, maybe Ill do it for our boys. She considers me self-centered and narcissistic because Im not losing enough weight, and I consider her self-centered and narcissistic for framing every argument in terms of what she wants and isnt getting. What do you think? Does being overweight mean you dont love your significant other?

Fatso

A: Some women just cant appreciate their husbands collections: comic books, shot glasses, broken-down cars, chins.

Theres your wife, wagging a carrot stick at you, telling you that if you loved her youd be surviving on iceberg lettuce sandwiches or going on the Drink Your Own Urine Diet whatever it takes to drop flab fast. Probably because weight loss seems easier for her, she assumes youre lazy and self-indulgent. Shes now trying to guilt-ivate you into losing weight (Picture your children fatherlessDoritobreath), which is more helpful than voicing the other thing shes probably thinking: I dont want to have sex with you; I want to harpoon you.

Chances are, the problem isnt that your diet isnt strict enough as in, you should be sniffing celery sticks instead of eating them but that youve been following the obesity-causing dietary science promoted by the government and much of the medical establishment. The weight loss diet they advise high-carb, low-fat is actually a weight-gain diet. Also, as Dr. Mary Dan Eades, co-author of The Protein Power Lifeplan, writes, Study after study has shown the low fat diet to be a failure in treating obesity, in solving diabetes, in reducing blood pressure or in decreasing heart disease risk.

Investigative science journalist Gary Taubes spent more than a decade digging through the body of research on diet. As he writes in Why We Get Fat, the evidence shows that it is carbohydrates from sugar, flour, easily digested starchy vegetables like potatoes, and juice and beer that cause the insulin secretion that puts on fat. So, if you want to drop pounds and not just one a week but like theyre stones falling off a truck eat low-carb/high-fat foods like cheeseburgers. Even bacon cheeseburgers. (Just see that you feed the bun to the pigeons.)

Unfortunately, it seems your love handles have become resentment handles. Some of the ill will between you may melt away as you lose the gut that Ding Dongs and Mountain Dew built, but it points to a bad pattern. You dont win marital arguments by clinging to how right you are and how wrong your spouse is; you win by working together to make things as right as you can for both of you (us first instead of me first). Some problems arent solvable, but youll be more able to shrug off an impasse if youre consistently putting yourselves in each others place. Thats the spirit that keeps you from striking out in revenge for example, by insisting youre on the Zone diet (but not mentioning that its the zone from the outermost wall of Dunkin Donuts to the outermost wall of Cinnabon).

Q: Im trying to start a relationship with a woman, but I cant stop thinking about my last girlfriend. I want a family (eventually), so I couldnt marry her. She already has two children, which is a dealbreaker for me, and has other baggage: debt and baby daddy drama. But, we developed a deep love, and Im having a hard time getting over her.

Stuck

A: It was the best of times, it was the best of times. And its called selective remembering. Your mental projector keeps playing this loop of your ex trying on lingerie. There are never any misty shots of the repo man or your ex emerging from the mist to chase the baby daddy with a big cleaver. And where are the little mind movies of her children? Or as you call them, dealbreakers, not dealbenders. Keeping this woman as your fantasy girlfriend will be a wedge between you and any woman youre with in real life. To move on, harness the power of negative thinking. Sure, go ahead and indulge. Take that walk down memory lane with your ex. Just be sure you ask the cameraman to pull out to reveal the stroller youre pushing with some other guys screaming kids in it.

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