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For years, I've been carrying a weight I've never wanted.

It's about 20 pounds left over from the last baby, who is now 10.

At one point several years ago, I got rid of most of it. But it missed me so much, it came back and brought friends.

Now I'm carting around 25 pounds of extra flab, which is too much like its owner -- tenacious, stubborn and unwilling to submit.

I've tried more diets than I care to admit. I've gone through tests to get to the root of the problem. I've taken supplements to make up for deficiencies in my body, in the hope that once the metabolism is working right, the extra fat will just go away.

I've tried diets without exercise, exercise without diets, and diets with exercise. I've lost, gained, and stayed steady.

After being told I was gluten sensitive, I cut out wheat products and processed carbohydrates. I didn't feel any different or lose any weight.

But then I indulged over the holidays and enjoyed the carbs -- until the scale started moving up.

In January, I began working out again. My son and I are now among the early morning regulars at the Paseo. I also spent five days on an all-juice diet to clean out my system and reset my appetite.

The "juice feast" worked well, but once I returned to solid foods, the scale started creeping up.

Recently, a friend shared a video, "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead," a documentary about Joe Cross, who lost over 100 pounds and was healed of a nagging skin condition thanks to a 60-day juice diet.

This approach requires up to a gallon of juice a day, which can get expensive. But if it heals my body and rids me of the fat, it will be worth it.

And if it doesn't, I will just call it quits with all this diet stuff, and will attempt to come to peace with the fact that my current physique is just a part of motherhood and middle age.

Another friend, who is a fitness instructor, said I need to focus on health, not weight. I know this, but I also know that I'm a 125-pound-person walking around in a 150-pound-person's body, and I want out.

So here I go -- again.

Holding on to hope.

And a glass of juice.

Helen Middlebrooke, of Toto, is a freelance writer and author. Follow her juice journey at http://www.facebook.com/helenbadhairlife.

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Trying to lose the weight

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Home » Lose Weight » Trying to lose the weight