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Fitness Studios Pushed to the Brink by Covid Are Forced to Get Creative – The Wall Street Journal
Fitness 
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Pamela Bennett, owner of a fitness studio in the Atlanta area, moved some of her Zumba and cycling classes to the parking lot months after coronavirus restrictions in March prevented indoor workouts in Georgia. She enlisted a DJ to play dance songs to get members in the workout mood during a Labor Day block party.
But her efforts havent offset an 80% loss in revenue during the pandemic.
Covid happened and it knocked the wind out of me, Ms. Bennett said.
The fitness industry has been hit hard during the pandemic because of restrictions on group exercise and clients concerns about returning to gyms, which have prompted people to seek streaming options and equipment for workouts at home. Several corporate fitness chains have filed for bankruptcy while many mom-and-pop boutiques have permanently closed.
Smaller operators especially have faced acute financial challenges amid ever-changing restrictions, with some questioning whether their business models, including rent for bricks-and-mortar locations, remain feasible in a world changed by Covid-19.
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Fitness Studios Pushed to the Brink by Covid Are Forced to Get Creative - The Wall Street Journal
War With Grandpa Cast Lied About Their Fitness To Film Dodgeball Scene – Screen Rant
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The War with Grandpa's Jane Seymour reveals some of the movie's cast lied about their fitness levels in order to participate in a dodgeball scene.
According to star Jane Seymour, some members ofThe War with Grandpa's cast lied about their fitness levels so they could take part in the movie's dodgeball sequence. The family comedy stars movie veterans Robert De Niro, Cheech Marin, and Christopher Walken, among others. De Niro plays the title grandpa, Ed, who faces a battle with his grandson, Peter (Oakes Fegley), after moving into his room. Seymour co-stars as Diane, a store worker who eventually begins a relationship with Ed, while Marin and Walken play his two friends. All three help Ed in his war against Peter.
The War with Grandpawas filmed in 2017, despite only releasing a few months ago. The delay was partly due to the movie's original distributor, The Weinstein Company's Dimension Films. After it was announced the company wouldn't release the movie,The War with Grandpa's future was uncertain for a couple years. However, 101 Studios acquired the distribution rights to the film in June 2020, eventually leading to its release in October. Despite the movie earning largely negative reviews,The War with Grandpa unseatedTenetas the #1 movie at the U.S. box office following its debut.
Related:Every Movie Robert De Niro Transformed Himself For (& How)
In an interview withCinemaBlend, Seymour discussed one ofThe War with Grandpa's biggest scenes, which sees Ed and Peter enlist their friends to play in a dodgeball game. It's a very active sequence, involving trampolines and a large portion of the movie's cast. However, according to Seymour, participating required light lying from some of the film's actors:
I never thought that at my age Id be jumping up and down, bouncing and falling and jumping off walls with people that looked like they were going to the hospital before me, and which one of us would be the first to be carried out. We were all lying. We werent lying about our age, you cant do that anymore, but we were all lying about our fitness levels, that was for sure Cheech actually knew he was going to have a knee or a hip replacement straight afterwards. So, I dont know what he was doing bouncing up and down. I mean, that was crazy; he could have completely blown out his limbs.
Seymour's story offers an amusing look behind-the-scenes ofThe War with Grandpa. Considering how fun the dodgeball scene looked, it's no wonder some members of the movie's cast were willing to lie in order to take part. It clearly worked out, as the sequence is one of the film's best and was bolstered by the cast's performances. Even though Seymour acknowledges it could have ended badly, stunt teams generally take good care of actors during risky scenes, which likely helped prevent any injuries.
Of course, accidents on film sets do happen, sometimes because of cast members attempting their own stunts. There's no way to prevent these entirely, other than to take necessary precautions. In the case ofThe War with Grandpa, the cast's participation enhanced the sequence and didn'tresult in any negative consequences. In fact, it sounds like it was one of the more entertaining scenes for Seymour and her co-stars to shoot, which comes across in the final product.
More:How Tall Is Robert De Niro?
Source: CinemaBlend
The Iconic Actor Who Bruce Lee Hit With His One-Inch Punch (& Why)
Rebecca VanAcker is a news writer and editor at Screen Rant. She enjoys covering all things superhero, especially the MCU and Arrowverse. In the past, shes written TV recaps for Screen Picks and reviews for Yahoo. Though Rebecca enjoys all forms of storytelling, TV is her true passion, having written about it in some capacity since 2014. She especially loves female-driven shows like Parks and Recreation, Jane the Virgin, and Fleabag. A graduate of Michigan State University, Rebecca got her teaching certificate before falling in love with writing and the entertainment industry. She has a B.A. in English, and her longtime love of reading has followed her into adulthood. While she enjoys discovering new books, right now shes probably just re-reading Harry Potter for the millionth time. Her other hobbies include baking, anything Disney, and exploring with her dog, Beckett. You can follow Rebecca on Twitter @BecksVanAcker, or contact her directly at rvanacker23(at)gmail(dot)com.
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War With Grandpa Cast Lied About Their Fitness To Film Dodgeball Scene - Screen Rant
Andrew Moscrop: Deprivation and the failure of Boris Johnson’s covid-19 weight loss plan – The BMJ – The BMJ
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If we all do our bit, said Boris Johnson, launching a Government strategy to tackle obesity during the summer of 2020, we can reduce our health risks and protect ourselves against coronavirusas well as taking pressure off the NHS. Following his own coronavirus scare, the prime minister appeared eager to get the nation to lose weight. An online videoshowed him walking his dog around the grounds of Chequers and referring to his personal battles with obesity and coronavirus.
But anew report by a cross-party think-tank suggests that Government messages on weight loss and coronavirus have done little to help people with obesity address their condition. So what was wrong with Boris Johnsons coronavirus weight loss plan?
The evidence is now in: obesity can double your chance of dying from coronavirus, saidNHS Englands chief executive in the run up to Johnsons strategy launch. Obesity may be one of the few modifiable risk factors for covid-19, announced Public Health England. But it had already been shown that obesity was not the only factor to double your risk of death from coronavirus. Nor is it the only modifiable risk factor for covid-19. Living in a deprived area doubles your chance of dying from coronavirus. Social deprivation is another modifiable risk factor for coronavirus mortality. And yet it has attracted little attention from the prime minister and no government initiatives were set up to address it.
Modifying, or eradicating, deprivation demands that the government make progressive changes in policies. Meanwhile, efforts to tackle obesity tend to push the responsibility onto individuals, encouraging them to make different life choices and change their behaviour. This was apparent when thegovernments obesity policy described a call to action for everyone who is overweight to take steps to move towards a healthier weight. The Health Secretary wrote of the policy that at its heart is better information:providing the public with information to help them make healthier choices. The focus on individuals and their personal choices was also apparent when, in anarticle accompanying his dog-walking video, the prime minister summoned a spirit of personal responsibility to tackle the problem of obesity, highlighting how your health depends on your own choices about how you lead your life.
But the emphasis on personal choice did not acknowledge the complex social causation of obesity. In particular, it did not acknowledge the higher incidence of obesity amongmore deprived groups. It ignored the unequal environments in which personal choices are made. Deprived areas have afive times greater density of fast food outletsand fewer shops selling fresh fruit and vegetables. Taking Dilyn the dog for a walk around the lawns of the Chequers estate is unarguably a more appealing option than taking exercise in many urban housing estates. Promoting personal choice also ignored the unequal resources that people have, including the fact that many children grow up in homes that struggle toafford a healthy diet,andfood poverty is a real issue. Having to depend on food banks does not facilitate personal choice. And making choices in order to lose weight relies upon a sense of personal agency and control that many people experiencing deprivation have had eroded over time, as life opportunities have been withheld from them, as state benefits have been cut despite their protestations, and as their efforts to secure employment or housing have resulted only in disappointment. Many of these issues have already been exacerbated by coronavirus, because it is people onlow incomes who have tended to lose their jobs or be furloughed, and the economic fallout will continue to hit hardest those who are already worst off. People who are more deprived may be more likely to be obese, but they are less able to respond to the governments call to action.
Of course, addressing obesity and addressing deprivation do not need to be conflicting priorities. After all, since rates of obesity are higher among more deprived groups, it might make sense to address these issues together. But when obesity is addressed in isolation it shifts attention, effort, and resources away from the issue of deprivation, and from the unfair impact of deprivation on peoples health.
The governments coronavirus-inspired weight loss plan was a failure. It marked a failure to acknowledge deprivation as a risk factor for coronavirus mortality. And it failed even to acknowledge the role of deprivation as a risk factor for obesity. Many observers anticipated this failure, with the PMs strategy branded a missed opportunity at the time, showing little sign of policies that will address the root causes of obesity. Without addressing those root causes, as a nation we will not only fail to lose weight, but we will continue to fail the more vulnerable members of our society.
A whole systems approach to obesity has been advocated; looking at the wide range of factors that may contribute to higher rates of obesity. With that in mind, and with recognition of the role of deprivation in relation to obesity, coronavirus, and many other health problems, we should take note of Michael Marmots recent invocation to Build Back Fairer. In the wake of coronavirus, priorities should include reducing social and economic inequalities, and ensuring that fair health outcomes are at the heart of government policy. The healthcare professions still have a powerful role in holding the government to account.
Andrew Moscrop, primary care physician, Oxford.
Competing interests: None declared.
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Andrew Moscrop: Deprivation and the failure of Boris Johnson's covid-19 weight loss plan - The BMJ - The BMJ
High yield and QE: Making money from the domino effect – Investment Week
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As we buy assets, investors are likely to substitute the lower risk assets we buy with riskier assets Mario Draghi, President of the European Central Bank, 21 November 2014
Quantitative easing has been the clear policy tool of choice for global central banks since the Global Financial Crisis. This has become even more the case in recent times as interest rates are already at (or through) zero, and therefore the marginal benefit to cutting interest rates further is lower.
The response by central banks to the Coronavirus crisis this year is symptomatic of this - as the chart below shows, the Federal Reserve increased the size of its balance sheet by over double the amount it increased during the financial crisis. This level of quantitative easing is unprecedented, and I believe will have unprecedented impacts upon global fixed income markets.
So we have over a decade of experience with QE - what would we expect the outcome to be of a massive increase in its scale? The immediate impact a decade ago was to drive investors out of short-term government bonds into longer-dated securities - then as yields on these compressed investors switched again from holding government bonds into investment grade corporate bonds with higher yields.
This domino effect - with QE driving yields lower on one segment of the market, forcing investors into another segment, in turn driving yields lower and forcing investors to continue moving on - has been the key driver of fixed income markets over the past decade.
To give some insight into the scale of investor appetite for investment grade corporate bonds since the Global Financial Crisis - the BoAML Global Investment Grade Corporate Bond Index saw its total market value grow from $4.7bn in November 2008 just before the Federal Reserve began its first QE programme, to $12.1bn at the end of February 2020 (just before the launch of the Coronavirus QE programme).
Over the same time period, the yield on this index went from 7.0% to 1.9%. The clear impact of QE over the past decade has been to aggressively encourage investors out of safer securities and into riskier securities, and the investment grade corporate bond segment of the market has been the key beneficiary of this.
Now, you may ask - well this surely cannot be healthy, and surely it will have to all unwind? Well, central banks are more concerned about the health of our financial systems than anyone else, and this action of forcing investors out of low-risk investments and into higher-risk investments is precisely what central banks are trying to encourage. This phenomenon allows companies to raise capital for investment, avoids companies having to worry about refinancing debt, and enables investors to have longer time horizons when making investment decisions.
All of these are healthy and desirable qualities for a financial system to have. With respect to high yield in particular - the Federal Reserve became the first major central bank to explicitly incorporate the buying of high yield debt as part of its QE programme in March this year. Yield compression of riskier parts of the fixed income market is not an unwanted side effect of QE, as many commentators would have you believe - it is the core principle of the policy.
I think you' have probably seen where I am going with this, but to round out the circle - is high yield going to be the next segment of the fixed income market to significantly benefit from the QE domino effect? In answer to this I would highlight the chart below - the blue line shows the relative performance of European high yield versus. investment grade in the two years following the announcement in March 2016 that the ECB would, for the first time in its history, be buying investment grade corporate bonds.
As can be clearly seen the significant outperformance of high tield only began around 200 days after the ECB's announcement. The orange line shows the same relationship for US high yield and investment grade bonds following the Fed's announcement in March that they too will be buying corporate bonds for the first time in their history.
If we follow a similar path to the relationship seen in 2016/2017 we could see significant outperformance of high yield in future. Remember, high yield is the last place in fixed income that offers relatively elevated yields - and will act like a magnet for fixed income investors, just as investment grade bonds did over the preceding ten years.
In short, I believe hgh yield could be the next domino for QE to push over - and therefore it potentially offers investors in the asset class significant upside.
The Artemis fixed income team
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High yield and QE: Making money from the domino effect - Investment Week
Breaking News: FDA Approves First Oral Hormone Therapy for Advanced Prostate Cancer – Prostate Cancer Foundation
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On Friday, December 18, 2020, the US FDA approved the first oral gonadotropin-releasing hormone (GnRH) receptor antagonist, relugolix, for adult patients with advanced prostate cancer. This is an important advance because it offers another option to patients who are taking hormone therapy.
One of the mainstays of treatment for high-risk and metastatic prostate cancer is androgen deprivation therapy (ADT). ADT is designed to stop testosterone from being produced or directly block it from acting on prostate cancer cells, slowing or stopping cancer growth. Most forms of ADT are given as regular injections (e.g., monthly or every 3 months) or as implants under the skin. One disadvantage of commonly use medications is an initial spike in testosterone, as well as a delay in time to lowering the mans testosterone level.
This newly-approved therapy, relugolix, works by blocking the pituitary gland (in the brain) from making hormones that stimulate the testes to make testosterone thereby lowering a mans testosterone levels. Instead of an injection, the patient takes an oral tablet once daily, at approximately the same time each day, with or without food.
The effects were tested in a randomized clinical trial comparing relugolix to leuprolide, a very common injectable form of ADT, in over 900 patients with advanced prostate cancer. More patients taking relugolix had their testosterone levels fall quickly and remain at a low (castrate level) during the study vs those taking leuprolide.
Side effects of ADT can include weight gain, increase in cholesterol levels, and increased risk for heart attack. A striking finding in the clinical trial was a 54% decrease in major cardiac events (such as heart attack and stroke) in the patients taking relugolix vs leuprolide.
What does this approval mean for patients with advanced prostate cancer? They now have an oral alternative to typical ADT that decreases testosterone levels more quickly, and keeps them low, than one commonly used medication. Some patients and doctors may decide that taking an oral medication at home, rather than having to come to the clinic for an injection, may be preferable during the COVID-19 pandemic. Many men with prostate cancer already have risk factors for cardiovascular disease, and relugolix may offer reduced risk of dangerous side effects such as a heart attack. This may be an important consideration when choosing a form of ADT.
We at PCF are thrilled when patients and doctors have another choice of therapy in the fight against prostate cancer. PCF congratulates all of the scientists and clinicians who helped to make this breakthrough possible.
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Breaking News: FDA Approves First Oral Hormone Therapy for Advanced Prostate Cancer - Prostate Cancer Foundation
Testosterone Replacement Therapy Market 2020 In-Depth Analysis of Industry Share, Size, Growth Outlook up to 2026| Bayer, Eli lilly, Kyowa Kirin,…
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An Overview of the Testosterone Replacement Therapy Market and Growth Prospects
Starting with the basic information, the report provides a complete summary of the global Testosterone Replacement Therapy market. The summary discusses the outlook and specifications of products and services in the market and their application. The report also provides detailed information on the technology used for manufacturing and production. The report provides information on the production procedures that can increase productivity and efficiency of the overall system. The report classifies the global Testosterone Replacement Therapy market into segments based on knowledge of the market. The report covers the key market players present in different regions and also studies the strategies used by them to enhance their presence and value in the Testosterone Replacement Therapy market. The report predicts future trends and scope of the market for the forecast period 2020-2026.
Key Players
This publication includes key segmentations of the global Testosterone Replacement Therapy market on the basis of product, application, and geography (country/region). Each segment included in the report is studied in relation to different factors such as consumption, market share, value, growth rate, and production.
Top Leading Companies Profiled in Testosterone Replacement Therapy Market Report Are As Follows: Bayer, Eli lilly, Kyowa Kirin, AbbVie, Pfizer, Acerus Pharmaceuticals, Actavis (Allergan), Mylan, Ferring Pharmaceuticals, Novartis, Endo International, Upsher-Smith, and Teva.
The final report will add the analysis of the Impact of Covid-19 in this report Testosterone Replacement Therapy industry.
Research objectivesTo study and forecast the market size of Testosterone Replacement Therapy in global market.
To analyze the global key players, SWOT analysis, value and global market share for top players.
To define, describe and forecast the market by type, end use and region.
To analyze and compare the market status and forecast among global major regions.
To analyze the global key regions market potential and advantage, opportunity and challenge, restraints and risks.
To identify significant trends and factors driving or inhibiting the market growth.
To analyze the opportunities in the market for stakeholders by identifying the high growth segments.
To strategically analyze each submarket with respect to individual growth trend and their contribution to the market
To analyze competitive developments such as expansions, agreements, new product launches, and acquisitions in the market.
To strategically profile the key players and comprehensively analyze their growth strategies.
Market segmentation Testosterone Replacement Therapy market is split by Type and by Application. For the period 2015-2026, the growth among segments provide accurate calculations and forecasts for sales by Type and by Application in terms of volume and value. This analysis can help you expand your business by targeting qualified niche markets.
Research Methodology:Our market forecasting is based on a market model derived from market connectivity, dynamics, and identified influential factors around which assumptions about the market are made. These assumptions are enlightened by fact-bases, put by primary and secondary research instruments, regressive analysis and an extensive connect with industry people. Market forecasting derived from in-depth understanding attained from future market spending patterns provides quantified insight to support your decision-making process. The interview is recorded, and the information gathered in put on the drawing board with the information collected through secondary research.
The report provides insights on the following pointers:
Key questions answered in the Testosterone Replacement Therapy Market report:
Table of Contents: Testosterone Replacement Therapy Market
Chapter 1: Overview of Testosterone Replacement Therapy Market
Chapter 2: Global Market Status and Forecast by Regions
Chapter 3: Global Market Status and Forecast by Types
Chapter 4: Global Market Status and Forecast by Downstream Industry
Chapter 5: Market Driving Factor Analysis
Chapter 6: Market Competition Status by Major Manufacturers
Chapter 7: Major Manufacturers Introduction and Market Data
Chapter 8: Upstream and Downstream Market Analysis
Chapter 9: Cost and Gross Margin Analysis
Chapter 10: Marketing Status Analysis
Chapter 11: Market Report Conclusion
Chapter 12: Research Methodology and Reference
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Read More..George Clooney was hospitalised after weight loss for ‘The Midnight Sky’ | Glitterati – Mag The Weekly Magazine
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George Clooney had a health scare right before shooting began on his new Netflix film The Midnight Sky. The actor was diagnosed with pancreatitis and hospitalised after experiencing stomach pains just days before cameras started rolling on the sci-fi project that counts him as both director and star. The film features the 59-year-old Oscar winner as Augustine Lofthouse, an astrophysicist battling cancer who is tasked with warning a team of astronauts not to return to Earth. To get into character, the Gravity star decided to lose weight for the role. "I think I was trying too hard to lose the weight quickly and probably wasn't taking care of myself," Clooney told the Mirror. The actor also pointed out that filming in harsh climates made this shoot particularly challenging. The Midnight Sky's cast includes Felicity Jones, David Oyelowo, Tiffany Boone, Demin Bichir and Kyle Chandler.
Read More..Weight loss: "I had dalia every night for dinner and got my pre-pregnancy body back" – Times of India
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I was in my 20s, but I experienced so many health problems like an older person. Chronic backache, thyroid and hormonal issues made me realize it was time to make the change. The worst part of being obese was that I found it difficult to climb stairs, do household work or in fact, play with my kid. It made me feel terrible and low at times!
What shape do you see yourself 10 years down the line?
Fitter and healthier than I was a couple of years ago. I hope to continue working on myself and make exercise and good eating habits a part of my regime.
What are the lifestyle changes you made?
I strictly said no to junk food and cut down on my sugar intake. That in itself made a big difference.
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Weight loss: "I had dalia every night for dinner and got my pre-pregnancy body back" - Times of India
Is Trump Cracking Under the Weight of Losing? – POLITICO
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His fragile ego has never been tested to this extent, Michael Cohen, his former personal attorney and enforcer before he turned on him, told me. While hes creating a false pretense of strength and fortitude, internally he is angry, depressed and manic. As each day ends, Trump knows hes one day closer to legal and financial troubles. Accordingly, we will all see his behavior deteriorate until it progresses into a full mental breakdown.
Psychological disorders are like anything else, said Mary Trump, whos also a psychologist. If theyre unacknowledged and untreated over time, they get worse.
In Lees estimation, its not something that could happen. Its something that is happening, thats been happening for the past four yearsand will keep happening.
His pathology has continued to grow, continued to cause him to decompensate, and so were at a stage now where his detachment from reality is pretty much complete and his symptoms are as severe as can be. She likened Trump to a car without functioning brakes. Such a car, she explained, can look for a long time like its fine, and keep going, faster and faster, even outracing other cars. But at the bottom of the hill, Lee said, it always crashes.
Trump is who and how he is first and foremost because of his parents. His unwell mother couldnt and didnt give him the attention he wanted and needed, while his domineering father gave him attention but a wrong and warping kindinstilling in him a grim, zero-sum worldview with the dictate that the only option was to be a winner. Ever since, he responded so relentlessly to these harsh particulars of his loveless upbringingthe insatiable appetite for publicity, the crass, constant self-aggrandizementthat he became the president of the United States and arguably the most famous person alive. But from the time he was a boy, the way Trump has coped with the void hes felt ultimately has been less a solution than a spotlightits whats made his most fundamental problem most manifest.
His problem is that he has grown up with vulnerability in terms of his self-worth, self-esteem and a clear sense of himself, Mark Smaller, a past president of the American Psychoanalytic Association, told me. Somebody with these kinds of vulnerabilities, affirmation, being the center of things, is never enough. Because you cant solve these old wounds, these old, narcissistic woundsyou cannot solve them with affirmation, with being at the center of things. You cant because they persist, so that you need more attention, you need more affirmation, you need to be more at the center of things, all the time, more often. And when realities start to interfere with getting that kind of affirmation, you just want more.
The only moment in Trumps life that remotely compares to whats happening right now is in early 1990.
He was mired in a tabloid-catnip marital breakup on account of an affair with the B-movie actress who eventually would become the second of his three wives and the mother of the fourth of his five children. He also was a staggering $3.4 billion in debtpersonally liable for nearly a billion of thathis business affairs in New York and with his casinos in Atlantic City, New Jersey, in absolute shambles. I would have been looking for the nearest building to jump off of, Steve Bollenbach, the financial fixer banks made Trump hire, once told biographer Tim OBrien. That spring, according to Vanity Fair, Trump ordered in burgers and fries and stayed up late in bed, staring at the ceiling. At risk of becoming a has-been and a punchline, Trump nonetheless boasted about future prospectsof national magazine covers and a comeback to come. All Donald knew, Wayne Barrett wrote around the time, was that he was still a story.
He sat at his desk paging through periodicals looking for his name. Even if it was the same AP article in every single newspaper, he wanted to see it, former Trump casino executive Jack ODonnell told me. Thats how he survives.
Did he collapse? No. He did not collapse, veteran New York Democratic strategist Hank Sheinkopf said. He just continued.
Trump was able to do that, of course, principally due to the sprawling, near-foolproof safety net his fathers wealth allowed. Lenders in New York and regulators in Atlantic City, too, let him skate, both groups as beholden to him as he was to them.
Still, en route to averting comeuppance, he proceeded to weave this self-inflicted calamity into a preferred tale of a certain toughness he possessed. Most people would have been in the corner sucking their thumb, he said to a reporter from the Sunday Times of London. You learn that youre either the toughest, meanest piece of shit in the world, or you just crawl into a corner, put your finger in your mouth, and say, I want to go home, he told a writer from New York. You never know until youre under pressure how youre gonna react.
But the biggest difference between then and now: Even when Trump was all but broke, even as bankers clawed back some of his toys, the props for the show, as he once put it in Playboy, they gave him an obscene $450,000-a-month allowance. And the most important thing? He got to keep Trump Tower. He got to remain living in the penthouse of the building that he had built, that had made him famous, and that served above all as the preeminent stage for how he wanted to be seen.
He was always there in his office, Alan Marcus, Trumps publicist later on in the 90s, told me. He was always there in his castle.
This time, on the other hand, hes getting kicked out. No more Oval Office photo ops. No more two-scoop nights watching Fox News in his room in the residence. In a months time, for most likely the last time, the door of the White House will close behind him.
This looming reality colors his interactions in these waning days.
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Is Trump Cracking Under the Weight of Losing? - POLITICO
I Learned What True Self-Care Looks Like And Its Not Weight Loss – Scary Mommy
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Last year, I started a journey to take better care of myself.
A few months had passed after my second baby was born, and I was feeling really run down. I found an online exercise subscription which included a virtual catalogue of hundreds of workout videos promising results of a new, strong, happy, healthy you! Excited for a change, I thought this would be the perfect resource to help prioritize postpartum self-care.
I believed I needed to lose so many pounds to be healthy and that this physical change would help me find my spark. My plan was to wake up before my boys and do one of the short but intense exercise videos. I hoped that with this new routine, my life would start becoming more manageable.
This plan seemed reasonable to me, and I was being extra cautious because years before in college, I had struggled with eating disorder behaviors.
I ate healthytoo healthy. I was constantly dieting, restricting. and skipping meals when I could. Typically spending hours at the gym daily, I would become overwhelmed if my exercise or my diet didnt match my high expectations.
I thought this was being healthy until my life started collapsing. I was a constant mess of anxiety. Feeling intensely hungry or deprived, I would binge uncontrollably when I was around food. This would lead to feelings of desperation and shame.
Fluctuating between feeling numb and then overcome with emotion, I couldnt make simple decisions. One moment I would feel empty and blank, and the next I would be screaming at the people who mattered most to me. I was out of control. So, I started going to counseling.
During counseling for disordered eating (round one), I learned that people do not need to diet. This idea was so shocking and freeing for me that it radically changed my life. No more counting calories, skipping meals, or replacement meals of only a smoothie.
Instead, I could listen to my body and eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full.
I learned this primarily from a book called Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole which presents research upon research about why dieting is harmful. While this change was gradual and was uncomfortable at times, I was able to free myself of the dangerous cycle of dieting, bingeing and overall feeling terrible.
While my longing to be smaller didnt disappear, it did get put in check. My desire to be thin was no longer the most important thing in my life. After counseling, I could embrace my life again.
As the years passed, I married my amazing husband, worked a challenging job as a nurse, and then became a mom to two unique little boys. My experience of motherhood, while wonderful, has also been difficult and stressful.
After my second baby, I was feeling increasingly low and wanted to feel better. I was determined to figure out what healthy looked like in this new phase of life. The online exercise subscription seemed like a great starting place. The virtual coaches all encourage that following a program consistently will help you feel better and get results.
Months went by and I did not get results. I did not lose weight, and I did not feel better.
Exercising in the morning before the boys were awake was difficult. When I did find the time and energy, the videos would make me feel worse. I felt judged and angry at all those skinny trainers. I did not feel happy or healthy. I felt tired, overwhelmed, and like a complete failure.
My attempt at self-care had backfired. I needed real help.
So, counseling for disordered eating (round two) started up. While I was no longer doing eating disorder behaviors (excessive exercise, restricting, or binging), I was surprised to learn I was still believing eating disorder lies. Such as Everything will be better when you lose weight. If you were just smaller, you would feel so much better. If you just try hard enough, you can be perfect. And this last one had crept into each aspect of my life.
Not only did I need to be the perfect size, but be the perfect mom, wife, friend, and daughter. And if I wasnt perfect, I must be a failure. Looking back now, its obvious why I was miserable. I was being suffocated by the pressure I had placed upon myself.
Author, social worker, and shame researcher, Brene Brown says in her book Daring Greatly, If we want children who love and accept who they are, our job is to love and accept who we are. Reading this helped me realize something needed to change and it was not my weight.
So now, I am in the process of loving and accepting myself. I continue to do the hard work of seeing my counselor and learning about embodiment, mindfulness, and body image so I can confront the lies that this culture and my eating disorder have taught me.
I do not need to be skinny to enjoy my life. I do not need to be perfect to love and accept myself. Self-care is not weight loss. In fact, trying to lose weight was harmful to my health and wellbeing.
I now prioritize caring for my body; not to make it look a certain way, but because I respect it. I have started taking time to do the things I enjoy like hiking, yoga, and kickboxing. My postpartum body is so strong and amazing. I am able to play on the floor with my boys and to climb beautiful mountains. All this is now how I practice true self-care.
Yesterday, I cancelled my online subscription.
My year-long journey of self-care did not go as Id planned. I did not lose weight. I did, however, discover a beautiful, capable body.
A year later and I am a new, strong, happy, healthy, me.
Link:
I Learned What True Self-Care Looks Like And Its Not Weight Loss - Scary Mommy