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Home » Testosterone » Now we men can blame our hormones: testosterone is trouble – The Guardian

As a man the sort of thoughtful, Fawcett Society-supporting man who lowers the toilet seat after peeing, even when he has the house to himself its hard to talk about women and their hormones. Theres no doubt that they affect minds and bodies, through puberty, pregnancy and premenstrual syndrome (PMS). The National Association for Premenstrual Syndromes list of common symptoms includes mood swings, depression, tiredness, anxiety, feeling out of control, irritability, aggression, headaches, sleep disorder, food cravings, breast tenderness, bloating, weight gain and clumsiness.

Men cant and shouldnt ignore this catalogue of woes. But theres a fine line between commiserating and condescending. Its too easy and tempting to dismiss a womans actions or opinions because its that time of the month. Mostly it isnt. Many women are lucky enough to escape PMS. And even when they dont, sometimes shes still right and youre still wrong.

For better or worse, however, we males must now face up to our own fluctuating chemistry. We may not routinely bloat and bleed, but a new study makes it clear that we too are at the mercy of our hormones specifically, the one produced between our legs. After testing hundreds of men, researchers from the California Institute of Technology, Wharton School, Western University and ZRT Laboratory reported (pdf) a clear and robust causal effect of testosterone on human cognition and decision-making.

To put it bluntly, testosterone makes you stupid.

Having persuaded 243 men to smear their torsos with either a placebo or a testosterone gel (imagine the lead-up: No, honestly, were not videoing this No, thats not a one-way mirror No, we are not going to offer you a Diet Coke), the scientists gave them a cognitive reflection test designed to assess their ability to answer tricky questions where their first, intuitive answer was likely to be wrong*. Those who had rubbed themselves with testosterone rather than the placebo answered 20% fewer questions correctly while remaining convinced they were right. They also gave incorrect answers more quickly, and correct answers more slowly than the placebo group. As Caltechs Colin Camerer said: The testosterone is either inhibiting the process of mentally checking your work or increasing the intuitive feeling that, Im definitely right.

Perhaps its not Donald Trumps brain thats running things, but the Leydig cells in his testicles

If testosterone does encourage hasty decisions, thats not always a bad thing. If youre being chased by a tiger, for example, its better to either run away or improvise a weapon than to just stand there weighing up your options. All the same, this will be a kick in the teeth for big pharma. In the US particularly, drug companies have encouraged doctors to prescribe billions of dollars worth of testosterone supplements to combat the effects of ageing, despite objections that they do nothing for mens health. A host of studies have already shown a correlation between elevated testosterone levels and aggression and now theyre being linked to dumb overconfidence. That wont help with the marketing though it may explain Donald Trump and his half-cocked willy-waggling. Perhaps its not the presidents brain thats running things, but the Leydig cells in his testicles.

Women arent entirely off the hook their bodies also produce testosterone, though in smaller quantities, and the Caltech study notes that it remains to be tested whether the effect is generalisable to females but for now at least they now have another way to fight the scourge of mansplaining: Youre talking out of your nuts.

Better still, with the evils of testosterone firmly established, the world may learn to appreciate older men. Around the age of 30, no longer young, dumb and full of cum, we typically find our testosterone levels declining, so that with every day that passes we become less aggressive, more rational and generally nicer. Your average 54-year-old to pick an age entirely at random can now boast that as well as decades of experience, he can draw on ever-larger reserves of self-control. Whether were trying to land a beautiful lover or a well-paid job, that should make us quite a catch.

* For example, A bat and a ball cost $1.10 in total. The bat costs $1 more than the ball. How much does the ball cost? If you immediately declared 10 rather than 5, youre a) wrong and b) possibly covered in testosterone gel.

Phil Daoust is a Guardian feature writer and editor

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Now we men can blame our hormones: testosterone is trouble - The Guardian

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Home » Testosterone » Now we men can blame our hormones: testosterone is trouble – The Guardian